


Zoe's Hand in Marriage

by mille_libri



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mille_libri/pseuds/mille_libri
Summary: How Wash and Zoe made their way to wedded bliss ... and how Mal was oblivious every step of the way.
Relationships: Hoban Washburne/Zoë Washburne
Comments: 46
Kudos: 25





	1. Somethin'

Captain Mal Reynolds paced across the cargo bay, measuring its length with his strides, while his second-in-command Zoe Alleyne watched him with a certain amount of amusement on her face.

“It’s not even time yet, sir,” she pointed out.

“I know. I just want to get to flyin’. Feels like it’s taking forever to line us up a pilot.” The mechanic had been hard at work—with a fair amount of prodding, to be sure, but he’d got the ship ready to fly. Now all they needed was someone who could get them places.

“This guy’s supposed to be good.”

“I know he is. I just wish he’d get here already!” 

“Anyone I know?”

They both turned to see a little guy with a funny mustache, wearing an even funnier shirt, standing in the open cargo bay door. Mal didn’t even have to look at Zoe to see the curl in her lip. He was having some trouble with this guy himself. This was the pilot who had come so highly recommended?

“Hoban Washburne. I’m here for the pilot’s job?”

Mal and Zoe shared a look. Zoe mouthed “Hoban?” at him, and Mal frowned at her. To this Washburne character, he said, “We’ve been waitin’ for you. You want to come take a look now?” He was a mite snippy, he had to admit, but this whole thing had him on edge. He just wanted to take wing, to feel the land disappear out from under him.

“Let’s get to it!” Washburne followed them up the stairs, chattering cheerfully. “I’ve read about these old Firefly class ships, but I’ve never had a chance to really open one up and see what she could do. I hear they’re movers—like gliding across a frozen pond, only, you know, faster. This one’s seen better days, but she’s shaping up real nice. You two been together long?”

Mal and Zoe looked at each other and then over their shoulders at Washburne, not bothering to answer that one. He was hardly the first to take the logical leap and assume they were a couple, but Mal trusted Zoe too much to see her that way. She was just … Zoe. Smart, strong, tough as nails, better than half a division at your back. 

Washburne seemed to accept their lack of response, continuing his running commentary. “I don’t mind telling you, good jobs have been few and far between recently. I mean, there are jobs, just not good ones. Anyone can fly a freighter, you know, but it’s not fun. You can’t get in and really dig your heels in and see what a freighter can do—and if you try, they can you,” he added, in the tone of someone who knew from personal experience.

“Here we are,” Mal said, pointing to the cockpit and hoping that might stem the flow of talk. If this Washburne character talked like this all the time … well, maybe they’d just have to lock him into the cockpit by himself, see if he found himself to be a good listener. Although Mal bet he probably did.

As Washburne bounded up the steps to start looking over the system, Zoe pulled Mal aside. “You’re not serious, sir.”

“Let’s see if he understands what he’s lookin’ at, Zoe.” Mal liked that the man clearly appreciated Serenity for what she could do, something no one else had so far. Even the mechanic looked doubtful every time Mal asked him how things were coming.

They stood in the doorway and watched as Washburne looked over the equipment, tapping buttons and checking wires and even sliding underneath to see how things looked there. And in answer to Mal’s unspoken question, he did indeed talk to himself the whole time.

Finally he climbed out from under the panel. “Yeah! This is all very doable.” He looked at both of them. “Few modifications, get some real maneuverability out of this boat.” He sank into the pilot’s seat, looking pretty comfortable in it. “You’d be surprised.”

“So you’ll take the job, then?” Mal had seen enough to know this was the best he was going to get. Likely better than he had hoped for.

Washburne turned his chair around—but his eyes settled on Zoe instead of Mal as he considered the question. “Might do, might do. Think I’m starting to get a feel here.”

“Good,” Mal said, ignoring the look Zoe shot him. “Well, take your time, make yourself to home …” Zoe rolled her eyes and stalked out of the cockpit. Mal gestured over his shoulder. “Just … uh, fiddle around the dials there. We’ll be nearby.”

Washburne waved at them as they left, already lost in surveying the wiring again.

“Great, ain’t he?” Mal said to Zoe on the way down the stairs. It was nice to see his ship getting the appreciation she deserved.

“I don’t like him.”

“What?”

“Just something about him bothers me.”

“What? What about him bothers you?” Sure, the guy talked a lot, but they could get used to that. And yes, he had looked at Zoe with interest, but men had done that before, and she shut them down right quick. Mal had never seen her have a problem letting someone know she wasn’t interested in return. She hadn’t been happy with Washburne, that was easy to see, but to put up a fuss … where would they get another pilot, if they passed on this one? No one else was crazy enough to take a chance on an old Firefly.

“I’m not sure. It’s just … somethin’.” Zoe turned and looked back to where they had left Washburne, frowning.

“Well … your ‘somethin’’ comes up against a list of recommendations as long as my leg! Tanaka raves about this guy. Renshaw’s been tryin’ to get him on his crew for a month. And we need us a pilot.”

“I understand, sir.” She made a face. “He bothers me.”

“Look, we finally got ourselves a genius mechanic, it’s about time we hired someone to fly this damn thing!”

Before Zoe could answer, another voice said, “Genius?” and they turned to see Bester, the aforesaid genius mechanic, standing there. 

“No one’s ever called me that before,” Bester continued, sauntering through the kitchen.

“Shiny,” Mal said to his retreating back. He and Zoe looked at each other again.

She shrugged, not budging from her original point. “Just bothers me.”

“Well, we’re gonna take him on. If you can’t get past whatever this somethin’ is that bothers you, we can reconsider down the road. But we’ve gotta get this bird in the air, get some work lined up, or we’ll be eatin’ dust.”

“Good point, sir.” Zoe nodded crisply and walked off, and Mal sighed in relief. He hoped whatever the problem was, Zoe got over it fast, or it would be a mighty awkward feeling ship.


	2. Company

Zoe got up from the supper table, taking her plate to clean it off. Mal had finished eating and headed to his quarters, working through the details of the next job, and the mechanic had wolfed his food down and gone back to fiddle with something in the engine room. 

She put her plate away and was about to return to her own quarters when it occurred to her that the new pilot hadn’t come down to eat. He was probably hungry. She should go spell him so he could get some food. 

Hesitating in the doorway, Zoe glanced down the hall toward where the pilot sat. Something about him continued to bother her. Got under her skin. The mustache? The loud shirts? The constant joking? The way he filled the air with running commentary whether someone was there to listen to him or not? She wasn’t sure. But she couldn’t stop thinking about how much he bothered her. Like an itch under the skin that she couldn’t reach to scratch.

Still—it wouldn’t do let the pilot go hungry, she told herself. She put a plate together. Nothing special, just what was left from what she had cooked for herself and Mal.

Washburne swiveled his chair around as she came up, his eyes lighting up when he saw the plate in her hand. “Is that for me?”

“Didn’t think it was a good idea to let the pilot starve.”

“I like the way you think.” He took the plate from her hand. “Thanks. You didn’t have to. I mean, I could have put it on autopilot and come down.”

“Why didn’t you?” Zoe was surprised to be asking the question. After all, it wasn’t as if she cared.

Washburne shrugged, his mouth full of food. Once he had swallowed, he said, “I guess I was just looking at the stars. I love it out here. You ever just sit back and watch them go by?”

“No, can’t say as I ever have.”

“You should. It’s peaceful. You wonder what those worlds are like, what people do on them. At least, I do.” He smiled. “Part of why I took this job, see some of what there is to see on other planets.” Taking another bite, he gave a little moan of appreciation. “This is pretty good. Did you make it?”

Zoe bristled. “I’m not the cook, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“What? No, I didn’t mean— I just—“ He gestured at the plate. “I didn’t know if you’d cooked this. I can find my way around in the kitchen, too, if you want to put me on a cooking rotation.”

“Oh. Sure. ‘Course. We should do that.” She found herself leaning against the door, folding her arms across her chest as she looked at the stars. “The captain and I learned during the war—you put enough things in a pot together, they cook down, you can eat it, but I wouldn’t say either one of us likes it much.”

“You’ve been … partners a long time, then?”

She nodded. “Can’t remember when we met. Not really. Just … one day I figured out he was going to have my back. Seemed like the best I could do was offer to have his in return. He’s the only reason I survived the war; I like to think I’m the reason he did.”

“I’m sure that’s true.” Washburne had put the plate down and was watching her face, really listening. Maybe that’s why she’d said so much. It had been a while since she’d had someone other than Mal to talk to. “So, tell me the truth—you didn’t pick this ship.”

Zoe chuckled. “No, that was all the captain. He was all set to buy a freighter—up-to-date, lots of space for cargo—when he saw this one across the lot, and … here we are.”

“I can see why. She’s a beauty.”

“Oh, no. Not you, too.” Zoe rolled her eyes. “It’s just a ship.”

“She, and she’s a lot more than that. Take care of her right, she’ll do remarkable things.” He patted the display in front of him.

“How long have you been flying?”

“Since the first time I could talk someone into letting me get my hands on the controls.” He smiled up at her, an impish grin that lit up his whole face. “I was nine.”

“Someone let a nine-year-old fly their ship?”

“What can I say?” The grin widened. “When I want something, I can usually talk someone into it. Or talk their ear off until they’ll agree just to get me to stop.”

“Or throw you out the airlock.”

Washburne laughed. “It’s been threatened more than a few times.”

“I can imagine,” Zoe said dryly.

“You ever try it?” he asked, gesturing at the console in front of him.

“Some. I can get where I have to go if needed. But I don’t have the feel for it.”

He nodded. “You have to love it to be really good, I think. And I love it.”

There was a silence between them, Zoe unsure what to say to that. It was clear he meant it, that he really did love it, and she liked that about him, that he was willing to admit it. But what was she doing up here, standing here and chatting with this … annoying man when there were things to do?

She gestured at the empty plate. “I should take that back, if you’re done.”

“Oh. Sure. Thank you for bringing it up. I’ll remember to come down from now on so you don’t have to go to the trouble.”

“It was no trouble. This time.” Zoe took the plate from him and turned to go.

“Uh … Miss … Officer Alleyne?”

She looked back at him over her shoulder.

He spoke quickly, the words coming out like he couldn’t stop them. “Come up anytime. Nice to have some company.”

“I’ll do that,” she promised, having no intention of doing any such thing. “And you can call me Zoe.”

“Zoe.” There was that smile again, brightening the whole cabin. “Most people call me Wash.”

Zoe couldn’t help smiling back. ‘Wash’ was better than ‘Hoban’, for sure. “Wash, then.”

Annoying, yes, but oddly … charming. She couldn’t help thinking about his smile and how it had transformed his face. If he shaved off his mustache, he might almost be handsome.

Handsome? She shook her head. She had clearly been in space too long.


	3. Dreams

Wash dragged a crate out the open hatch and sat down on it, enjoying the sunshine on his face. They had landed Serenity in a secluded area far from the nearest settlement in order to keep her from being noticed, and then the Captain and Zoe had headed off to make the deal, leaving Wash and Bester in charge of the ship.

Bester had grumbled about not being able to go into a town and pick up a drink and a girl, and then headed for his quarters to sack out. Wash was just fine without him—not much of a conversationalist, Bester, and he didn’t even pretend to be listening when Wash talked, the way Zoe and the Captain did. 

Zoe and the Captain, he mused. Try as he might, he couldn’t catch them in any position, any look or comment or allusion, that might indicate some kind of past, present, or future couplehood. But there had to be, right? A guy who looked like the Captain, a woman who looked like Zoe—they’d be crazy not to notice the other one that way. They must have, some time or other.

Wash had sure noticed Zoe. Not just the way she looked. Yes, she was probably the sexiest woman he had ever met, and she didn’t seem to know it, which was hotter still. But she was also incredibly smart, and he would bet that if you got to know her, she was funny. Maybe she didn’t even know she was funny, but Wash wanted to bring that out of her, to get her to make a joke, to see her laugh, as much as he wanted to see her naked. Well … almost as much as he wanted to see her naked.

Realistically, he probably had no chance of either one of those things happening, but a man could dream, couldn’t he? _Diyu_ , all Wash had were dreams. He lived in them. Mostly he was okay with that.

In the distance, he saw movement. They were back. Without the cargo, so that was a good sign.

Wash’s heart sank as he realized they were coming back with their arms around each other. So, they had finally seen each other, had they? Well, that had only been a matter of time. But then it rose into his throat when he realized they weren’t embracing out of affection. Zoe’s arm was over the Captain’s shoulder because he was half-carrying her.

He had hardly realized what he was seeing before he was hurrying toward them, without even knowing he was moving. 

“Everything all right?” he called when he came into earshot. _Idiot_ , he thought. Of course everything wasn’t all right.

“Just … took some lead … is all,” Zoe said. It looked like she made a conscious effort to stand on her own two feet when she saw Wash, but that only lasted a couple of steps.

“Should you be walking?”

“Captain can’t carry me … that far.”

“You wouldn’t let me, more like.”

“Here.” Wash got on Zoe’s other side and let her sling her other arm over his shoulder. Well, let, encouraged, nudged … something like that.

“I’m fine,” she protested.

“You will be when we get you to the ship,” Wash told her. “There’s an infirmary, right?”

“’Course.”

“And you stocked it?”

“What do you take me for?” the Captain demanded. “Of course I stocked it.”

Wash let that go. He knew the Captain was new at this, and doing pretty well for how green he was, but it didn’t seem polite to point out how inexperienced they were. He resolved to check over the infirmary himself later. Not that he was an expert in wound care or medicine, but he was willing to bet he’d been crew on more ships than either of his two companions. Bester hardly counted—no one wanted him messing around with their body, with the exception of some desperate women in isolated colonies.

For now, Wash concentrated on getting Zoe back to the ship before her flagging energy failed her entirely.

As soon as they had her back on board Serenity, she pushed herself away from both of them and limped painfully toward the infirmary. Wash was about to protest, but the Captain put a hand on his arm and shook his head warningly.

“She’s in no shape to—“

“I’ve seen her worse, and she still took care of herself. Zoe don’t like having things done for her.”

“I get that.” But Wash still watched the door she had gone through, worried. “You two have been in a lot of firefights together.”

“More’n I can count. She’s the best shot I ever saw.”

“Better than you?”

The Captain gave him a sidelong glance, as if he was wondering if he’d just been insulted. “Not many are … but she is. Never saw a situation she couldn’t handle herself in.”

“All the same.” Wash had waited long enough. He went after her.

“Suit yourself,” the Captain said, in the same tone he might have used if Wash had suggested storming a tiger’s den. Maybe he thought it was the same.

Zoe was wrapping a bandage around her lower leg when Wash knocked on the door of the infirmary. 

“You want a hand with that?”

“I got it.”

“You cleaned it? Disinfected?”

“I’ve been shot before, you know. Haven’t died of one yet. Don’t mean to start today.”

“Good,” he told her. “Because …” What could he say? That he liked her? That he didn’t want to think of what Serenity would be like without her? “Because you haven’t told me a joke yet.”

Zoe frowned. “I don’t tell jokes.”

“Yeah, but someday you might.”

She was looking at him funny now, and he couldn’t tell if he’d annoyed her or intrigued her. Then she smiled suddenly. “Don’t need to tell you any jokes.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause you’re wearing one on your face.” She touched her upper lip to indicate his mustache, then chuckled, low and warm, before moving past him, her limp barely visible.

That did for a start, he thought, smiling. And clearly, he needed to shave.


	4. Kaylee

Mal watched Bester go. He went slow, kicking the dirt as he went, occasionally looking over his shoulder, expecting to be called back. He couldn’t believe he’d been fired and replaced by some green girl from an outer colony who’d never been off-planet before. To be sure, Mal couldn’t believe it, either.

But this Kaylee girl had reached into his ship like she knew all about her, taken things out, plugged other things together, and they worked. More, she’d looked at Serenity like she loved her. The way Mal loved her. Wash loved her, too, but he’d been on other ships. For Kaylee, Serenity was the only ship, just the way she was for Mal. Yes, he was crazy to trust her … but he did, for all that.

Now the hard part—explaining what he’d done. He climbed the steps to the cockpit, surprised to find Zoe there talking to Wash, but relieved that he didn’t have to go hunting for her. She seemed to have come around on the pilot, enough to be cordial to him, which made flying together a sight easier.

“Captain, we about ready to take off?” Wash asked. 

“We push that delivery back anymore, we’ll be paying them,” Zoe pointed out.

“I know that. And yes, we’re on our way. Real soon. The ship’s fixed.”

“Bester finally found what was wrong with it?” 

“Not … exactly. And, uh … Bester’s gone.”

“Gone, sir?” Zoe’s eyebrows flew up. “You sure that’s wise?”

“Well … I kind of hired someone else. You’ll—I think she’ll be real good.”

“Great!” Wash said. “No offense intended, but Bester didn’t know his way around an engine. Couple of times I wondered if we were going to drop right out of the sky.”

“And you never said?”

“I figured you’d find out. Which you did. So no harm done.”

Mal looked at Zoe, who shrugged. He could see why Wash bothered her. He bothered Mal a bit, too. “The new mechanic should be on board in an hour or so. She just had to ask her folks.”

He hurried out of the cockpit, but not before he saw Wash mouth ‘Ask her folks?’ at Zoe and Zoe shake her head back. 

They were all three in the cargo bay when Kaylee came aboard. Mal had worried a bit about whether she’d need a whole kit of frilly things to bring with her, but he saw he needn’t have. She had a duffle bag and a knapsack and a toolbox. And he was glad to see she’d exchanged the flowery dress for a pair of overalls. She still looked awfully young to be keeping a ship running, though, or, at least, that’s what he imagined Zoe must be thinking. 

“Hi, Captain!” Kaylee sang out, smiling cheerily up at him. “Oh, you must be the rest of the crew. Sure glad to meet you!”

“Kaylee, this is Zoe, my second-in-command, and Wash, our pilot. Wash, Zoe, this is Kaylee, our new mechanic.” 

“Kaylee. Welcome aboard,” Wash said. “You need a hand with any of that?”

“No, I got it. Thanks, though.”

“You ever fly before, Kaylee?” Zoe asked her.

“Nope. Never once. Can’t wait, though!”

“Captain,” Zoe said under her breath.

“Have some faith,” he muttered back.

“Whatever you did, I haven’t heard Serenity purr like this since I came on board,” Wash was saying to Kaylee. “You bypassed the reg couple?”

“Sure did. Seemed to make sense—what’s one more part to break down when you can just plug the g-line straight into the pin-lock?”

“That’s genius.”

Kaylee glowed under the praise. “Just easy, that’s all.”

“Easy is good.” 

“Wash,” Zoe said, her voice hard.

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you be getting us in the air right about now?”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure. Show me later?” he said to Kaylee. 

“Sure thing.” She watched him as he went, and Mal felt his first stab of concern, remembering what Kaylee had been up to when they met. He didn’t hold with fraternizing of that kind on board a ship. Too much likelihood of folks getting upset with one another.

Then Kaylee looked away from Wash and toward Zoe, and the smile disappeared from her face. “Guess not, then.”

“What’s that?” Mal asked her.

Zoe gave Kaylee a barely polite nod and stalked off up the stairs.

“Just gettin’ the lay of the land, Captain,” Kaylee told him.

He wasn’t sure quite what she meant by that, but if it kept her from casting lustful eyes on the pilot, he wasn’t going to question it. Still, might as well get the policy straight out in the open. “None of that on my boat, little Kaylee.”

She gave him a big, sweet smile. “My brother used to call me that. How'd you know?”

“Seemed like the thing to say. You heard me, though, yeah?”

“Don’t seem like I’m the one who needs tellin’, Captain, but I heard you loud and clear.” She gestured to the bags at her feet. “You want to show me where to put these so I can get started cleaning up the mess Bester left behind?”

“You and he know each other long?” Mal asked as he led her up to the crew quarters.

“Bester? Nope, just met him. Truth be told, Captain, all I wanted was to see the ship. Never dreamed I’d get to fly in her.”

“You keep her runnin’, you can fly in her as long as you want.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that, Captain.”

He left her there, finding Zoe down in the infirmary cataloging medical supplies. “She bother you, too?”

“Yes, sir, she does.”

“You gonna get over it?”

“You gonna stop hiring people on a whim?”

“Likely not. You got a problem with that?”

She straightened up to look him in the eye. “No, sir. Your ship, your choices. We all go down in flames, I’ll rest easy knowing it wasn’t my fault.”

“You do that.” Zoe rarely talked to him like that, but he figured everyone was allowed a bad day—and firing an experienced mechanic and hiring someone brand new to the job on little more than a feeling was enough to throw anyone off, he guessed. She’d come around. He hoped.


	5. Feelings

After she finished putting the dinner dishes away, it being her night for it in the rotation, Zoe found herself heading up to the cockpit. She did that more and more, it seemed, which bothered her some. But Wash was far more intelligent than he had seemed at first, and he’d been around on various ships, so he had a lot of tales to tell. And his experiences had been so different from Zoe’s. Her stories were all about war, but Wash knew about the way people lived in the colonies and what they did for fun and some of the strange customs they’d developed. And where Zoe kept her thoughts to herself, mostly, Wash loved to talk. Listening to him took her mind off her memories, and she found she liked the feeling. But she wondered if maybe she went up there too often. Wouldn’t want anybody getting the wrong idea.

Still—all day today she’d been haunted by memories of that last push, the sickening feeling when the Alliance ships dropped and she knew no one was coming. She wanted those memories out of her head, if only for a few minutes, and she looked forward to Wash’s cheerful chatter.

Only when she was halfway up the stairs she saw he wasn’t alone; he was lying under the console next to Kaylee, both of them focused on tinkering with something inside it. Now, Zoe knew everything there was to know about the inner workings of a gun, but a spaceship? Only the bare minimum. And here was this girl, fresh off her planet, and she knew all about it somehow.

Zoe watched for a minute, seeing how comfortable they were with each other, Kaylee playfully punching Wash in the shoulder when he said something funny, and she felt a sinking feeling inside that she didn’t want to look at too closely just at the moment. Instead, she turned around and headed back down the stairs. Surely somewhere on this big ship she could find something worth doing that would keep her hands busy and her mind off what she had just seen and why it bothered her so.

The next day, she was going through the gun locker making sure all the weapons were ready for tomorrow’s merch drop when Kaylee came down the steps into the cargo bay.

She stood there, fidgeting a little, while Zoe debated whether to just ignore her or not. Finally she decided she might as well let the girl get whatever it was out of her system. Glancing up briefly, she said, “Kaylee.”

“Um, hey. I just … wanted to come down here and tell you that you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m glad to hear it. You keep us flying, you’ll have no problems from me.”

“Oh! No question about that. Serenity and I are going to get along just fine,” Kaylee said, patting the stair rail with a big smile on her face. “No, I meant …” She took a step closer and lowered her voice to a whisper. “About Wash.”

“About— I don’t get your meaning,” Zoe said coldly, hoping to cut off any further conversation.

But Kaylee wasn’t having it. “Come on, I saw you watching his butt. Between you and me, it’s worth watching. I don’t blame you a bit. And I don’t think he’s even noticed I’m a girl—too busy trying to keep his eyes off you. And failing,” she added, grinning.

Now Zoe understood. This girl thought she liked Wash. That she was attracted to him. 

With a jolt of something like shock, Zoe realized Kaylee wasn’t wrong. She _was_ attracted to Wash. The way he smiled, especially now that he’d shaved off that stupid mustache, his muscular arms, the brightness of his blue eyes, the way he seemed to know when she was having a particularly hard day and saved his best stories for those times, the sureness of his hands on the controls of the ship. For a moment, Zoe could almost feel his hands on her skin, and she knew suddenly that she wanted that. How could she have been so blind as to miss these feelings coming on?

Kaylee’s mouth was a round o of surprise. “You didn’t know!”

“I … guess I didn’t,” Zoe admitted. Strangely, it was sort of nice to have another woman around at a time like this. It occurred to her that she’d been judging the girl too harshly, afraid she would have to share Wash’s company and his attention. But if he was watching her, maybe Kaylee was right—maybe she didn’t have anything to worry about.

“Well, your secret’s safe with me.”

“You didn’t tell him he didn’t have anything to worry about?” Zoe was surprised. She hadn’t done anything to earn any special favors from Kaylee.

“Nope. You want to move forward, that’s up to you.” Kaylee shrugged. “Things go better sometimes when the girl makes the first move. Not always, mind you—I sure would like to be swept off my feet by someone romantic someday—but in this case, he’ll never say nothin’ until you do.”

Zoe nodded. That sounded right to her. “Thank you, Kaylee.”

“Oh, sure. Happy to. And I wouldn’t worry about what the captain said.”

“What did the captain say?”

“He said no funny business on his boat, so no one fights with each other. Sounds silly to me—people are gonna fight anyway, living all together like this. Might as well have some fun before you do it. Besides … love’s the most powerful thing in the ‘verse. Can’t stop it, even if you’re the captain of the ship.” Kaylee gave her another sunshiny smile and headed back to the engine room, leaving Zoe suddenly with a lot to think about.


	6. Wish

Wash sat back in the chair and looked out on the stars. When he was growing up, stuck on his dinky little home planet, he used to wish on them. Like somehow a twinkling light in the sky was going to know what some little kid wanted and get it for him. But then—here he was, wasn’t he, flying a ship through those very same stars? So maybe his wishing hadn’t been so dumb, after all.

He was tempted to wish on the stars again for something he was coming to want. Maybe not as much as he had wanted to fly, but … a lot. An awful lot. 

Not that he had any right to want what he wanted, but he couldn’t help it. The first time he’d set foot aboard Serenity, he had been drawn to her. More beautiful than any ship he had ever flown on. Tougher than any captain he’d ever served under. More of a woman than any he’d ever met before. Zoe Alleyne was extraordinary. Any man with half an eye could see that.

And wasn’t that just the problem? Because any man could see that, and she was partners with Malcolm Reynolds. If Reynolds hadn’t seen yet what Wash saw, he would eventually. He had to. How could he not? And then where would Wash be? Sitting here listening to them giggle … or other things, in one of their quarters. How soundproof were those rooms, anyway?

He sighed, getting to his feet. No use sitting here mooning over the stars and wishes he shouldn't wish. He had maintenance to do, things to fix before they got to their next destination. The captain wanted to pick up a passenger for the shuttle—Wash should get over there and make sure all the wiring on the nav panel was up to snuff before they landed. Kaylee had the mechanics in hand. She was a marvel, that girl. Hard to believe she’d never been off her planet before. Had he ever been that young? He couldn’t remember it, if he had.

Maybe he could go to the captain, Wash thought. Man to man. Tell him that he was attracted to Zoe, ask him—what, permission? He didn’t need anyone’s permission to get involved with a beautiful woman. Except that this was Malcolm Reynolds’ ship, and he could find himself beached if he wasn’t careful. Even if the captain didn’t have designs on Zoe himself, he wouldn’t want fraternizing on his ship. He’d hinted as much when Kaylee came aboard—and Wash didn’t blame him. He’d have words with anyone who looked at Kaylee the wrong way himself.

But that left Wash in a difficult position, because he was drawn to Zoe more every time he talked to her, and he couldn’t go behind the captain’s back to ask her if she felt the same way, but he couldn’t approach Reynolds about it, either.

_Gaisi de baichi_. This was getting him nowhere. He had to put her out of his mind.

Or so he thought, until he turned around and saw her standing in the doorway. 

Zoe looked ill at ease, which wasn’t like her. Had she heard his thoughts? Had he— _tian na_!—been talking to himself?

“Hey.”

“Wash.”

He wanted to quip at her, to make her feel comfortable, but his mind was a blank. All he could think of was “You’re beautiful”, “I want to kiss you”, and, worst of all, “Are you and the captain a thing? Were you ever?” None of those were conversational openings he wanted falling accidentally out of his mouth, and if he opened it right now any one of them was possible.

To his surprise, Zoe turned and slid the door closed behind her, ensuring privacy. If Kaylee or the captain came up, they would recognize that as the signal that Wash didn’t want to be disturbed.

“Something … wrong?” he asked, feeling somewhat alarmed by her silence. They had spent a lot of time sitting in this cockpit looking at the stars together, and Zoe was often quiet, but rarely quite this silent.

“I … had something I wanted to say, but I’m not sure …”

“Oh. Okay.” His heart was in his throat. Or his boots. Or fathoms below the ship, floating somewhere in dark space. She knew what he’d been thinking all this time, and she—

In two quick steps, Zoe closed the space between them. Before Wash knew what was happening, she had taken his face in her hands and she was kissing him, her soft, sweet lips moving on his. 

Wash was stunned, but he wasn’t stupid. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her as much to hold himself up as to keep her close to him, because his knees were jelly. They were pudding. They were syrup. 

At last she pulled away, her eyes searching his face as if looking for, possibly even nervous about, his reaction. Zoe uncertain? About him? His knees were water, puddling on the floor. Wash held her more tightly to keep from melting away entirely. 

He looked for words, but his head was spinning. “Wow.”

A slow, dazzling, absolutely gorgeous smile lit up her face. “It’s been a while. I was afraid I might be a little rusty.”

“If that was you rusty, I’m not sure I’m ready for you gleaming and shiny.”

“I’m not shiny?”

For a moment, he was afraid he had insulted her, but then he saw the sparkle in her eyes. “You are all the shiny things. Can we—can we do that again, please? A lot?”

Zoe laughed, a full-bodied, rich laugh that he wanted to hear again and again, in all sorts of tones and moods. “I think that can be arranged. We just have to keep it quiet.”

Even in the haze that came with holding a beautiful woman in his arms, Wash felt discomfited. “I wouldn’t want to go behind the captain’s back.”

“The captain’ll be fine. I just … don’t want to share my personal business with the rest of the ship. That okay?”

When she put it like that, it didn’t sound so bad. “As long as I’m part of that personal business, I’m okay with that. Zoe?”

“Mm-hm?” She was looking at him like she wanted to kiss him again, which made it hard to think, but he wanted to get this out, to make things clear from the get-go.

“I just thought you should know—I like you. I mean … not just for the kissing, but … all of you.”

Zoe looked at him, really looked at him, and must have decided he meant it, because she touched his lips with her finger and said, “Good.” Then she leaned in and kissed him and Wash held her close and thanked his lucky stars that they had seen fit to grant his wish again.


	7. Shipmates

Mal paced across the mess hall. “It’s just—“ Turning around, he went the other way. “I mean, it’s not that I—“ He frowned, and paced back the first way again. “Some things just aren’t—”

“Captain, you’re going to have to finish a sentence eventually.”

He glared at Zoe, who was leaning back comfortably in her chair, her feet stretched out under the table, seeming completely unbothered. Actually, come to think of it, she looked like she wasn’t paying attention to him at all. “You can’t tell me you like it.”

There was a pause before she answered. “Like what, sir?”

“Like the idea of having one of those aboard!” When she didn’t respond, he snapped, “Zoe!”

This time she glanced across the table at Wash, lifting her eyebrows, before she responded. “Sorry. I mean, those what, sir?”

“I know, maybe you think I’m being too harsh, but we have our reputation to think about!”

“Reputation?” Wash asked, his voice rising oddly at the end of the word. He frowned across the table at Zoe.

“We have a reputation!”

“And who is it who’s going to be damaging this reputation of ours?”

Were they both completely dense? Mal scowled down at them. “That woman! Inara … whatever.”

“The Companion?” Zoe looked up at him, seeming to focus on him for the first time in the conversation. “She seemed fine to me.”

Wash nodded in agreement. “I thought she made some good sense.”

“You mean you thought she looked nice,” Mal corrected. Wash must have been distracted. Inara was the most beautiful woman Mal had ever seen—Wash must have felt it, too.

But Wash shrugged. “She did. That being her job, and all. Didn’t make her any less business-minded, that I noticed.”

“Business is the problem! We bring this … woman on board, we get all sorts of men trooping in and out, and—“

Kaylee appeared in the doorway. “I think sometimes she has women clients, too. So she told me, anyway. Didn’t you just love what she was wearing? So glamorous and mysterious!”

“Not exactly practical,” Zoe said dryly. She looked across the table at Wash again, widening her eyes at him like they were having a whole separate conversation Mal couldn’t hear.

“Not practical, exactly,” Kaylee agreed wistfully, looking down at her coveralls. “But pretty.”

“I can’t believe you’re all just accepting this! Like you have a whore parading around every day. Or like you want to,” he added.

“I wouldn’t call her that, Captain,” Wash objected. “A licensed Companion goes through a lot of training. It’s about more than just sex.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow at Wash. “You give the matter some serious consideration at some point in your past?”

“No!” he said hastily, his voice rising in that funny little squeak again. “No. Not my type. Not that I could ever have afforded time with a Companion anyway. I just had a friend, growing up, who wanted to be one. She learned a lot. I listened.” Zoe was eyeing him skeptically, and he raised a hand. “I swear.”

“Okay.” Zoe straightened up in her chair, looking at Mal with her full attention. “Sir, she made a good point—a registered Companion has a certain legitimacy that could get us into places we wouldn’t normally be able to get into. If she’s willing to pay, and she doesn’t mind the kind of work we do, I think we could find her very useful.”

“More useful than a surveyor and his wife?”

Zoe wrinkled her nose, and Wash grimaced. “They smelled like cheese, Captain.”

“Bad cheese,” Kaylee agreed. “Would you want to sit at the dinner table with someone who smelled like that?”

“They might bring some aboard,” Mal suggested. Cheese was good, and none of them saw it any too often.

“Reason enough.” Zoe got to her feet with another glance at Wash. Passing Mal on her way out of the room, she said, “Take the Companion, Captain.”

“Fine. If you insist.” Something in Mal was relieved, but he was damned if he was going to let anyone else know that. He didn’t even want to know it himself.

Wash got up and headed back to the cockpit, passing Kaylee on the way. She grinned at him, and he playfully punched her arm.

“That’s cute, ain’t it, Captain?” Kaylee asked him.

“What’s cute?”

She tilted her head to the side, looking at him curiously. “Nothing, I guess.”

“Sure.”

As she, too, left the mess, Mal considered that he had never really understood women.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Mal approached the cockpit, Inara behind him. He was surprised to see the door closed in the middle of the day. Usually Wash only kept it closed after dinner. Mal had often suspected he took a nap there in the chair, but he didn’t want to ask. Wash was the best pilot he’d ever flown with, and if he liked an after-dinner snooze, wasn’t any of Mal’s business—long as the ship didn’t run into anything on the way.

Still, though, he wanted to formally introduce Inara now that she was officially traveling with them, so he knocked.

“Just a minute,” Wash called, his voice strained. Maybe he’d been doing some repairs.

The door slid open and Wash peered out. “Something I can do for you—oh!” he added when he saw Inara over Mal’s shoulder. “I see we have a guest.” He slid the door the rest of the way open.

Mal was surprised to see Zoe there, arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the back of the control panel. “Wash. Zoe. You remember Inara? She’s renting the shuttle. Inara, this is Zoe, my second-in-command, and Wash, Serenity’s pilot.”

Zoe nodded. “Inara. Welcome aboard.” 

“Glad to have you with us,” Wash added. “If you need any help setting up the shuttle, just let me know.”

“Standard rates apply?” Inara asked.

“No, no, not between shipmates.”

“Wash, Inara has strict policies about not, uh, servicing anyone aboard the ship,” Mal warned him.

“I doubt that’ll be a problem, Captain,” Inara told him.

Wash nodded agreement. “No issues from me, Captain. Although you might be asked to supply fashion advice to our mechanic, Miss—“

“Inara will be fine.” She smiled at Wash and Zoe. “Stop by for a cup of tea sometime. It will be nice to get acquainted, since it looks like we’ll be traveling together for a while.”

With a nod at Mal, she stepped daintily out of the cockpit and made her way down the stairs, leaving him frowning after her in annoyance—and, if truth were told, some envy. She hadn’t asked him to stop by for tea.


	8. Words

It occurred to Zoe that at some point in this freefall through space, she should have stopped to think about what she was doing. She had been so caught up in Wash’s smile, his obvious joy in her presence, the way he kissed … that before she knew it she was counting on it. She woke up happier knowing she would see him today; she went to bed with a smile on her face thinking of the things he had said, the way he had felt in her arms.

She was a fool, was what she was, she thought, pacing to the other side of the cargo bay. She had already been back and forth more than two dozen times. Likely it would be another two or three dozen before she was done.

And all because she had gone and fallen for Serenity’s pilot. Why him, out of all the men she had ever met? She didn’t know—except that he made her feel light, like bubbles were lifting her off her feet. Like he could fly her as well as he flew the ship. 

It had surprised her when he announced he needed the day off while they were planetside. This was a small planet, not much of anything. Barely even a town. Zoe didn’t know who he had gone to meet, but she felt a chill around her heart with each minute late that he was. Did someone here have a hold on him that she didn’t know about? Was he thinking of leaving the ship? She couldn’t imagine that he would, not the way they had been together … but she couldn’t stop thinking that he might.

“You’re going to wear out the metal.”

She turned to see Inara standing there, a small smile hovering on her beautiful face.

“He’ll be back, you know.”

Zoe was never sure which she found more surprising—that Kaylee and Inara had been able to see so easily what was happening, or that the Captain had never noticed. “So he said.”

Inara’s smile widened. “I haven’t known Wash for long, but he seems like someone who does what he says he will.”

It was hard to argue with that. But he wasn’t here, and where in the ‘Verse was he? Zoe returned to her pacing. 

Inara moved gently past her toward the shuttle. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

The captain and Kaylee came back from a supply run not long afterward. “No Wash?” Mal asked.

“Not back yet.” 

Kaylee’s eyebrows rose as Zoe snapped the words, but the captain only nodded and went by. “Give us a hand with this stuff, will you, Zoe?”

“Of course, sir.” She left the cargo bay. Just wait until he came back—if he came back. She wouldn’t be waiting for him. Oh, no. Not her. 

Much later, Wash came rushing up to the ship just as the captain was starting to get annoyed. “Where’ve you been?” Mal demanded.

“Sorry, Captain.”

“Let’s get this ship in the air.”

“On it.”

Wash didn’t even glance at Zoe as he took the stairs two at a time toward the cockpit.

Well, she wasn’t going to see him tonight. She didn’t care where he had been all day, and she wasn’t going to ask.

Or so she told herself right up until the moment she stormed into the cockpit and yanked the door shut behind her.

Wash swiveled in his seat and stared up at her. “Zoe?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You were gone a long time today.”

“Yeah. Got stuck in the middle of a long conversation with my cousin.” He grinned and shook his head. “He hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Your … cousin?”

He nodded. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“No.” It kind of surprised her that he wouldn’t have … or it did until she remembered how little talking they had been doing recently. “I think we got distracted,” she said, relenting some.

His blue eyes lit at the thought. “I wouldn’t mind being distracted again.”

“Maybe not tonight.”

The smile faded from his face and he got to his feet. “Whoa, did I do something?”

Zoe realized she was being ridiculous. “No, I just— Well, you were gone all day, and usually you don’t leave the ship, so I thought—“

“You thought there was another beautiful woman in the ‘Verse that I was off kissing?” He took a step toward her. “I screw up a lot of things, Zoe, but I am not that guy. I would never do anything like that to you.”

“I know that.” She did, too. She had no idea why she had gone so crazy today.

“Zoe …” Wash came closer. “There’s something I wanted to say to you, and you— I … uh …” He looked down at the floor and cleared his throat.

“You want to stop.”

“No! _Tian na_ , no. Zoe, I think … I think I love you.”

She froze, stepping away from him, moving across the cockpit until her back was pressed against the wall. That she hadn’t expected, hadn’t been at all ready for, and the reaction was instinctive. Involuntary.

“Whoa!” Wash held his hands up, but he didn’t move toward her. “No pressure.”

“It’s … it’s not that.”

“Then what?” All the silliness was gone for the moment. His whole focus was on her, what she was thinking and feeling. 

“You start to count on people, you, you …” She struggled to put something so deeply ingrained in her for so long into words. “Sooner or later, you lose everyone. And you can’t—you can’t—” 

He took a deep breath, absorbing the impact of her words. “The war?”

Zoe nodded.

Now Wash did move, coming across the cockpit toward her. “I am not going anywhere. I’m here as long as you want me.” Wash lifted her chin, his eyes holding hers. His promise went deep in those blue eyes, all the way back.

One of the things she liked about Wash was that there was no guile in him. Everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling, showed on his face and in those clear eyes, plain as day. The captain was the same—you could always see what he was thinking, at least, she could … but where the captain was all the shadows of a darkened room, Wash was a field of wildflowers on a sunny day. He made Zoe want to laugh, and sing, and dance—and she hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time.

But it was so hard to trust, knowing all the things that could happen. The captain—she trusted the captain, because he had proved again and again that not only did he have her back, he could take care of himself. If anyone was going to make it through whatever came up against them, it would be Malcolm Reynolds. Wash … she didn’t know if that was true of him.

What she did know was that Wash had brought laughter back into her life again. He made her feel like a woman; even sometimes like a girl, in all the right ways. And she’d never met another man who made her feel like that.

With an effort, she lifted her hands, cupping his face between them, and she kissed him. She wasn’t ready to say those words back, not yet—but just maybe she could accept them, and treasure them, from him.


	9. Beautiful

Wash double-checked the route he had planned for Serenity. Should be a straight shot to their destination, no planets between here and there, no large-scale Alliance operations, no major shipping lanes to cross. Nice and clear, just like the captain liked it. Wash didn’t mind it, either—it was more fun flying when there weren’t a lot of other people in your way.

He tapped a button, setting the autopilot for the night. He knew the captain often came up here after Wash signed off, to take a turn at the helm himself. Wash got it. The captain loved Serenity, and he liked to have his hands on the controls, make sure he knew as best he could what was going on with his ship. Most captains Wash had worked with wouldn’t have bothered—and he had made some firm rules on previous ships about not having anyone else messing around with the controls. But that didn’t fly on Serenity—while the captain wasn’t great at the controls, he wasn’t terrible, either. And he knew which settings not to mess with.

No, Wash felt pretty good leaving things as they were, even knowing the captain would be by later.

What to do first? Grab some protein in the mess? Or just straight to the sack-time?

He took the stairs down from the cockpit all at once, grasping the railings and swinging himself down, and then stopped short, seeing Zoe standing there waiting for him.

She was smiling, the kind of smile that curled his toes. Damn, but she was beautiful. He’d have kissed her if they weren’t in a publicly accessible part of the ship.

“Hey, you,” Wash said to her, for lack of anything more intelligent to say. She often had that effect on him. Fortunately for him, she didn’t seem to hold his lack of ability to put words together against him.

“Hey, yourself. You off for the night?”

“I seem to be.”

“I suppose you were going to bed?”

“I was thinking of it.”

“It matter to you which one?”

Wash stared at her, the breath completely knocked out of him. “I, uh … I mean …”

Zoe’s smile widened and she stepped on the ladder down to her berth. She glanced at him over her shoulder, her eyebrows lifted in question, and then started down the ladder.

He was frozen in place. He couldn’t possibly have misunderstood that, could he? No. That had been clear. She wanted him … down there. In her berth. And he wanted to be down there. Oh, yes, he did. But he couldn’t quite seem to make his feet move.

Her voice floated up to him from the depths of her private place. “You comin’?”

“I—“ The window was closing, he told himself. She wasn’t going to ask twice, or wait much longer. It was now or completely screw this whole thing up, and among the many things he wanted right now, not to screw this whole thing up was at least number two. 

With an effort Wash forced himself to move, putting a foot on the ladder. He could hear footsteps approaching, and very much did not want to be caught on her ladder, on his way down to her bunk. He was fairly sure that both Kaylee and Inara had a pretty good idea what was going on—but he was equally sure that the captain didn’t, and that Zoe didn’t want him to. That bothered Wash a little, but was hardly a topic for right at this very moment.

He scrambled down the ladder, landing on the floor beneath with very little dignity. “I, um … Hi.” _Shen_ , he was an idiot.

Fortunately for him, Zoe didn’t seem interested in talking. No sooner had he cleared the ladder and closed the door above his head than she was kissing him, her strong hands on either side of his face. Wash kissed her back, sure of himself at last. Words might not be his thing, but kissing Zoe certainly was. Next to flying, it might just be what he was best at.

They stumbled across the floor, shedding clothes as they went, Wash still half-expecting to wake up and find this all a very nice dream. 

He landed on his back on Zoe’s bunk, with her on top of him and lots and lots of bare skin under his fingers. He wanted to explore every inch of all that skin. Gently rolling her over, he set about doing just that, finding all the places where she seemed to particularly like being touched. Zoe being Zoe, she returned the favor, her own hands everywhere until Wash thought he might just go out of his mind.

“Zoe,” he gasped, leaning down to kiss her again.

She pressed up against him in answer, her beautiful eyes on him until they closed in the intensity of her pleasure. Wash fought to keep his own eyes open, wanting to watch every change in her face, but it was too much, too intense, and he closed his eyes and held on to her and fell through the stars, almost surprised to open his eyes again and find himself still in her bunk.

“Wow.”

“You can say that again.”

“I’m happy to say it again as long as we can do it again.”

Zoe smiled, the sleepy smile of a very satisfied woman, and the resulting jolt to Wash’s ego was very pleasant indeed. “You mean right now?”

“Now, tomorrow, the day after, a few times in between …”

“I think that can be arranged.” She reached up to kiss him. “You didn’t think it was too soon?”

It was on the tip of his tongue to be flippant, but he could hear an undercurrent of worry in her voice. They were shipmates, after all, and there was a difference between kissing and its attendant activities and full-on naked enjoyment.

“Zoe. Remember what I said? I meant it. I’d have been happy to wait as long as you wanted … but I’m even happier not to.” He bent and kissed her shoulder, and then worked his way along to her neck. “You’re so damned beautiful.”

“You’re pretty beautiful yourself.”

“Yeah? You think so?” He kissed her ear. ‘Beautiful’ wasn’t a word he would have used to describe himself, but he knew better than to argue when a naked woman who was letting him kiss her used it.

She stretched her neck to give him better access. “Oh, yeah. Keep doing that, you might get yourself an upgrade.”

He added a hand sliding along her side, cupping her hip, and continuing down the length of her thigh, drawing her leg up. “’Beautiful’ is pretty good already. You sure I can do better?”

“Well, there’s always fine, hot—“ She gasped as his hand moved to her inner thigh and worked its way up. “Sexy.”

“Sexy, hm? I like sexy. Sexy’s good. Let’s aim for that.”

“Yes, please.” Whether that was a response to what he said or what he did, Wash didn’t know, and he was pretty sure he didn’t care.


	10. Jayne

Mal didn’t know what was going on in his ship these days. Inara was always distant and aloof; he’d come to expect it from her. And Kaylee, for all that she was fun to play with off-duty, had decided she could do an upgrade to the engine that sounded complicated as all get out to Mal and was taking up most of her spare time. So normally he’d have spent time chatting with Wash in the cockpit or going over plans and maintaining the guns with Zoe—but somehow he could never find either one of them. And when he did find them, they were both distracted and a little bit twitchy, ending conversations almost before they’d begun. Mal was starting to think he shouldn’t have switched to that new fancy soap, if everyone aboard was going to act like he smelled funny.

All of which left Mal on his own, alone in the darkness, a lot more often than he was rightly comfortable with.

These were among the thoughts going rapidly through his mind while he stood there with his hands up, studying the three mercenaries holding him and Zoe at gunpoint. They could use one more hand aboard. One who was good with guns. Mayhaps one who wasn’t too good with thinking. Last thing Mal needed was someone who wanted to argue with him about every little thing. Between Inara and Wash—and the way Zoe looked at him when she didn’t agree—he had more than enough of that already.

No, what he needed was someone dumb and biddable and big and tough. Like—like the guy on the right.

Yeah, that could work. Guy could track, too. That was a skill Mal and Zoe had only in rudimentary form. A good tracker could be right useful to have aboard.

Of course, once the deal was a reality and Jayne Cobb was on the ship, fumbling around the kitchen and telling crass jokes that made Kaylee blush and flee to the safety of her engine room, Mal wasn’t so sure his spur-of-the-moment decision had been as smart as it had seemed at the time.

Zoe hadn’t said—or looked—anything in disagreement, either at the time or since, but Mal could tell by the way she watched Jayne that she wasn’t fully sold on the decision.

He came into the kitchen area on Jayne’s third day just in time to witness Jayne grabbing Zoe’s rear and making a very pointed suggestion about what he’d like to do with his free time after the next job.

Unsurprisingly, the next minute Jayne was on his knees, eyes watering in pain as Zoe twisted his hand in a way that a human hand just wasn’t supposed to bend.

“I like a woman with spunk,” Jayne managed.

“You can’t handle a woman with spunk. I’m not precisely clear on just what kind of woman you could handle. Now, you can agree to a few simple ground rules, or you can spend the rest of your life answering to Lefty. Which is it?” Zoe asked, her voice low and dangerous.

“What rules?”

“The ones where no woman on this ship is available to you, and you keep a civil tongue in your head when they’re around.”

“I was just jokin’,” Jayne protested. 

Zoe put pressure on his wrist, and he whimpered. “’Case you didn’t notice, Kaylee didn’t like your jokes.”

“Okay, okay, no more jokes. But ain’t no harm in a little fun between unattached males and females. Can’t blame me for—“

“I’m not unattached. And Inara’s a professional—and you can’t afford her.”

Jayne gave a swift glance over his shoulder at Mal, who kept his face immobile. If Zoe wanted to pretend they were a couple, he’d go along with it, although he’d never known Zoe to feel the need to lie about such a thing. Come to think about it, she had never so much as hinted at it, even in situations where such an idea would have been far more useful than it was right now.

Not being privy to Mal’s thoughts, Jayne seemed sold on the lie. “No more suggestions, neither. I promise. Now, let me up?” 

Zoe released her grip on Jayne’s hand and let him get to his feet. “Welcome aboard … Jayne.”

“Thanks.” Jayne rubbed his wrist, and went back to preparing his meal. Left-handed.

“I think this is going to work out just fine, Captain,” Zoe told Mal, pushing past him on her way up to the cockpit. Good, Mal thought. Talking to Wash always seemed to cool her down.

“Touchy type, huh, Mal?” Jayne asked.

“Don’t get on her wrong side.”

“Might be fun. Don’t s’pose you want to tell me any bedtime stories about what she’s like in the sack.”

The very idea was horrifying. “Didn’t you and Zoe just have a discussion about keeping a civil tongue in your head?”

“You mean, no stories, even? Damn.” He picked up his plate, wincing as his wrist flexed in the process. “I’ll be in my bunk.”

With luck, he’d spend a lot of time there, Mal thought, before remembering that the bright idea that had brought Jayne aboard in the first place was so Mal would have someone else around to talk to. Well, so much for that. 

He wanted to ask Zoe about the lie she’d hinted at, pretending to Jayne that they were a couple, but he didn’t want to ask her in front of Wash, so that conversation would have to wait. For that matter, it was no guarantee that she’d tell him. More likely, she’d give him one of her looks, say “don’t think on it too much, Captain”, and send him on his way.

Instead, he headed down to the shuttle to tell Inara they seemed likely to land half a day earlier than anticipated, since he knew she’d been anxious about making her next appointment on time. Surely the good news would buy him ten minutes of conversation. ‘Course, they’d just get in another argument, but that was still more interesting than cleaning his favorite gun for the third time this trip.


	11. Strength

It was a firefight, not much different than any other, that showed Zoe how dangerous this … whatever it was she and Wash had going on had become. Before the shooting started, she had been distracted by memories of the previous night, the breeze blowing gently on her skin reminding her of his fingers slowly tracing patterns there, of his breath caressing her as he kissed his way slowly down …

The gunfire took her by surprise, and she only barely managed to get off a shot at a fellow sneaking up on the captain. She missed, too, which made her mad. She prided herself on not wasting ammunition, dearly priced as it was, and now she had gone and gotten lost mooning over a man and messed up her record.

Farther into the fight, a group of their opponents broke off, heading toward Serenity, parked off behind a copse of trees, and Zoe felt her heart leap into her throat. If they got to the ship—if they got to Wash—

Only then did she realize exactly how much she had come to care for him, when the idea of not having him there to smile at her or make her laugh or listen if she felt like talking—or talk if she needed a distraction—was like someone had told her she would never see the sun again.

When the fight was over, she hunkered down behind the rock she had used for cover, ostensibly checking the gun, but really she was shaking, and trying to hide it. All her life, long as she could remember, she had kept away from friendships and love affairs, putting her trust only in them as could handle themselves without her help. It was why she couldn’t embrace Kaylee as a little sister, the way the menfolk on board had. In a fight, Kaylee would be dead weight; her inexperience and unwillingness to get familiar with weapons would get someone else hurt. For all that he had a basic familiarity with guns and had flown with merc companies before, Wash wasn’t much different. Only in his case, the person who would get hurt protecting him would be Zoe. She hadn’t signed up for that, hadn’t realized what she was walking into. 

Back on the ship, she felt the familiar lift under her feet as it took off. Yesterday, there had been a matching lift of her heart, knowing as she did that the man at the controls of that ship belonged to her. Today, her heart was leaden enough to weigh the whole ship down.

Leaning on the railings above the cargo hold, looking down at the hard-won crates of goods to be sold, Zoe wondered how to tell him that she couldn’t go on like they had been. 

Before she could come up with an answer, she felt Inara come to lean on the rail next to her. “You look like a woman thinking long thoughts.” 

“Some.”

“This about Wash?”

Zoe glanced at her, startled. 

Inara shrugged. “I’m trained to be sensitive to people’s emotions, to figure out where they come from.” An edge of bitterness crept into her tone. “Despite what the captain thinks, being a Companion is about more than just taking off my clothes.”

“Of course,” Zoe agreed. She had her own thoughts about why the captain was so determined to make Inara seem like less than she was, but that was his business, and she wasn’t about to get involved unless she thought he needed her to.

“Sorry.”

Zoe nodded, understanding.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It was difficult to put it into words. “You ever find yourself feeling something and not knowing how you got there? Or … knowing it’s a bad idea but you can’t stop anyway?”

Inara nodded. Zoe wondered what secrets lay hidden behind that beautiful face.

“It’s a weakness, that kind of feeling. It … in the war … People died because they had to protect other people.”

“You think he needs protecting?”

“Some.”

“More than you do, for sure,” Inara agreed. “But less than most. No more than I do.”

Zoe wasn’t so sure about that. She figured Inara could handle herself in most situations.

“And what about you? Don’t you need protecting?”

“From what?”

Inara’s eyes met hers squarely. “From becoming like the captain. From pushing people away out of fear. That kind of strength—it’s brittle, Zoe. Strength that comes from love, real love—that kind makes you resilient.”

Zoe considered that. The captain was a closed book, to be sure. Even to her, in some ways. She knew more than most, but there were some parts of him completely closed off. Was that what she wanted? To have no one in the world who truly knew her, inside and out, all the things she was? 

Inara watched her face, nodding. “Think on it.” She started to move away, hesitated, and came back. “He’s a good man, Zoe. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating his strength because it isn’t the same kind as yours.”

“Thanks.”

Inara nodded, moving away as silently as she had come.

Zoe pushed herself off the railing, making her way up to the cockpit, where she slid the door closed behind her. 

Wash’s face lit up at the sight of her. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Hey, yourself.”

“What brings you up to my little corner of the ship?”

“I wanted to say something. I—“ The words stuck in her throat. For once, Wash stayed silent, waiting, letting her think through what she wanted to say. Maybe he knew her better than she gave him credit for already. “I never went looking for anything like this. Like you. Never expected it.”

He nodded, watching her, really listening.

“I trust you.” The words came out in a rush, and she hoped he knew what they meant, how much they meant. “Don’t know for sure that I want to, but I do, and I can’t stop. So don’t you go getting yourself killed on me, you hear? Because—I couldn’t ever do this again.”

Wash punched a button on the console to shift to autopilot and got up, coming toward her. Gently he lifted her hair off her shoulder and smoothed it back. “Duly noted. I will take cover during any and all danger in the most manly possible ways.”

Zoe smiled. “See that you do.”


	12. Answer

Lying snug in Zoe’s bunk, Wash was quite pleased with how the night was progressing. He had reached the part that made her giggle, was on his way to the part that made her sigh, and the part that made her—and often him—moan in delight was well within reach.

At least, all that was true until they heard the unmistakable clang of Captain Mal Reynolds, in the next bunk over, opening his door. Mostly the walls between quarters were pretty solid, but those heavy metal stairs did make noise when they opened and shut. 

Zoe froze beneath him at the sound, no breath or motion, straining to listen for the sounds of the captain climbing down the ladder and starting to get ready for bed. Not that they would be able to hear him doing that, or that he would hear them if they resumed their very interesting activity, but Wash could sense that the mood was gone.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” he asked, and instantly regretted the question. Zoe was easygoing where he was concerned, and perfectly okay with telling him when a question or topic strayed into an area she didn’t want to talk about … but when it came to the captain, Wash found himself putting his foot in his mouth in ways that made Zoe frown at him more often than he liked.

It was hard not to see that as a sign that there was unfinished business between Zoe and the captain, although she denied it with what appeared to be genuine ease whenever he asked.

Zoe sat up, reaching for her shirt. “In time,” she said in response to his question. “When I’m ready.”

Wash looked at her, waiting. Zoe pulled the shirt on over her head, settling it around her waist, before noting his unusual protracted silence and looking up to meet his eyes.

“Something on your mind?”

“Are you ashamed of me?” The question came out small, and quiet, and more serious than he had intended. There had been supposed to be a joking inflection there, something she could laugh off, but somehow that had failed to attach itself to the end of the question. Because he wanted to know, and because he was afraid he already did. He’d never been overly insecure—but let’s face it, Zoe Alleyne was a _ta ma de_ goddess, is what she was, and he was just this guy.

She reached out to touch his face. “Wash, baby, no! Of course not.” 

“Then why won’t you tell him? Why do we have to sneak around behind his back? Everyone else on the whole _gorram_ ship knows about us. Why can’t he?” The words poured out of him in a tide that he was unable to stem. Without waiting for her to answer, he got up and started hunting for his clothes.

“I will tell him,” Zoe promised. “Soon. I will.”

“When? When I’m eighty?”

Irritation flashed across her lovely face. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“That’s the charm of me, my downy little flower petal. I am ridiculous. I make stupid jokes and I talk a lot and I love to fly ships and I don’t stomp around here with a scowl on my face and a chip on my shoulder. Maybe you need to be clear with yourself about whether that’s what you want.” He slung his shirt over his undershirt and opened up her ladder. Carefully, making as little noise as possible.

Zoe got up from the bed, coming toward him. “Wash. Beautiful man. Don’t go.”

“I can’t stay.” Looking at her there, he couldn’t stand firm. He loved her too much to stay away for long. “At least, not tonight,” he relented.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You’ll see me tomorrow,” Wash admitted grudgingly. He climbed the ladder, letting it close gently behind him, and headed for the cockpit. He certainly wasn’t about to get any sleep, not for a while.

Sitting there in the pilot’s seat, looking out at the stars, helped. It always helped. Those friendly faces had been glittering out here for millennia. How many people had they guided and comforted before him? Countless.

So what did they have to say to him tonight? That he loved Zoe. That he’d never known before what love could be like, and now he couldn’t imagine going on without her. That if he had to sneak around this ship hiding from Captain Mal Reynolds any longer he was going to go out of his mind.

Zoe would tear his head off if he talked to the captain without her permission, and she wasn’t going to give him her permission. So how to end this stand-off without also making Zoe so mad she’d never forgive him? 

He could bribe Kaylee to say something to the captain. Then Zoe wouldn’t be mad at him, and the captain would never be mad at Kaylee. No. That would never work. Kaylee would see through him for the coward he was, and he didn’t think he had anything she wanted enough to put herself in the middle of this situation, anyway.

Jayne. Jayne, now. He wouldn’t even have to bribe Jayne. He could just trick him into running his mouth at the wrong time. Yes, and that would never blow up in his face. Not in a million light years.

No, definitely not Jayne. And Inara would be sympathetic, but she wasn’t about to deliver bad news to the captain on his behalf.

Which left Wash back at square one, no way out without Zoe’s permission.

Permission, he thought. He could ask the captain’s permission to pay court to Zoe. No, that wasn’t quite right. Not permission. Blessing? Blessing. Blessing! He could ask the captain for Zoe’s hand in marriage. A quaint custom, to be sure, but the captain was the closest thing to a family Zoe had, and Wash rather liked the idea of letting him know that he intended to take care of Zoe, to love her for as long as there was breath left in him.

To marry her. 

Wash had never before in his life considered getting married, the rings and the vows and all, but found suddenly that he wanted to. He wanted the entire galaxy to know that he and this beautiful, amazing goddess of a woman belonged to each other. He wanted to stand up and promise that he was hers and she was his for now and always.

Spying a particularly bright star on the horizon, he made his wish. Then he got up and left the cockpit, heading for the captain’s quarters. 

No time like the present.


	13. Family

Mal was just considering going to bed when someone knocked on his door. He went to the bottom of the ladder and hollered up, “Who’s that?”

“It’s Wash. Can I talk to you?”

“It can’t wait ‘til tomorrow?”

There was a pause. “I’d rather it didn’t.”

_Gorram_. He was gonna quit. He was gonna take another job, a better-paying job where he wasn’t shot at so often, and leave them without a pilot. Just when things seemed to be taking off, too. Mal bit back the stream of profanity that he’d have liked to give vent to. “All right, come on down.”

He stepped back to give Wash space to climb down the ladder, gesturing to the rather spartan space. “Sorry I can’t offer you much in the way of hospitality.”

“No need. I wanted to—“

“You can’t.” He wasn't getting a pilot this good get away. Nuh-uh.

Whatever Wash had expected as a response, it wasn’t that. His train of thought derailed completely and he blinked at Mal in confusion. “What?”

“You can’t.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say. How can you know what I was going to say?”

“It’s obvious. Do you think I’m completely blind?”

Wash grimaced. “Well, I was starting to wonder.”

What was that supposed to mean? Was it obvious that Wash was unhappy aboard the ship? Thinking back, Mal couldn’t remember seeing much of the pilot in recent weeks. “I just don’t see why you wouldn’t come to me before things got to this point.”

“I mean, I wanted to, but … you know, it’s complicated.”

“Seems damned simple to me. But that’s beside the point. The point is: What can I do to change your mind?”

“To change my mind? Nothing." Wash stood tall and looked at Mal defiantly. "I’m not backing down from this, Captain.”

“Well, I think it’s pretty darn shabby of you to come to me like this without giving me a chance to make a better offer!”

Wash stared at him. “To make a better offer? What are you talking about?”

“You leaving the ship.” It dawned on Mal that somehow Wash wasn’t following, and that just maybe he had jumped to a hasty conclusion. “Why? What are you talking about?”

“I want to marry Zoe!”

At first, Mal was sure he had heard wrong. Zoe? His Zoe? Get married? To a man she hadn’t even wanted on the ship? Ridiculous. “You what now? Say that again.”

Wash took a deep breath, collecting himself. “Since you are the closest thing she has to a family, I have come to you to ask for Zoe’s hand in marriage.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought you said.” Turning away, he dug out a strictly-for-emergencies bottle and poured himself a belt, downing it neat. He gestured to Wash with the bottle.

“ _Tian na_.” Wash tossed off a healthy slug.

“Now. You. And Zoe. Are a thing.”

“Very much so.” 

“For how long now?”

“Oh, a while. I kind of thought you’d noticed. Everyone else seemed to pick up on it pretty quick.”

“Everyone else—?” Mal frowned. “Wait, so when Zoe told Jayne she was taken, she meant you?”

“Yeah.” Wash looked at him quizzically. “Who did you think she meant?”

“I just thought she was lyin’.” Thinking back on it, Mal could remember several comments made by Kaylee and Inara that suddenly seemed to make sense. “You and Zoe. Huh.”

Wash bristled. “Is that really so strange?”

“Look, all the time I’ve known Zoe, nothing like this has ever happened. You understand why I’m a bit taken aback.”

“Sure.”

“And you want to marry her. ‘Till death do you two part’ and all.”

Mal often found Wash more flippant than he’d like, but there was no sign of anything but sincerity in the pilot’s face as he answered. “More than anything I ever wanted before.”

“You know she’s a lot tougher than you.”

“She’s tougher than you,” Wash responded, and Mal couldn’t argue with that. “All the more reason why she needs someone like me, Captain. To let her know when it’s okay not to be tough.”

“She never has before.”

“Maybe she has.”

They looked at each other, challenging each other’s position. Inexplicably, Mal thought of Inara, and he shook the thought away. “Maybe she has, at that,” he conceded. “She know you’re here?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so. She gonna speak to you once she finds out?”

“Maybe not for a while, no.”

Mal nodded. He liked the confidence of the man before him. He’d never considered Wash as a real part of his life before—he was just a hired hand, much like Jayne. Not like Kaylee, who had immediately become a replacement for the little sister Mal barely remembered. But while he was thinking of Wash as just this guy, apparently Zoe had found something in him she was looking for. And Zoe was all the family Mal had. Her husband would be his lifelong companion. Could he stand Wash as a lifelong companion? “When you ask Zoe, you think she’s going to say yes?”

Wash smiled. “Eventually.”

Gesturing for the bottle, Mal took another fortifying swig.

“So?” Wash asked impatiently.

“So what?”

“So do I have your permission to ask Zoe to marry me?”

“What if I say no?”

“Have to think I’d need to try and ask her anyway, but … it would be harder,” Wash admitted. “Look, Captain, I love her. And as long as I have two hands and a pair of eyes, I’m gonna be there to fly her out of any trouble she gets into.”

Mal looked the other man in the eyes. No doubting how he felt. It was there in every line of his face. “All right,” he said at last. “I’m gonna talk to Zoe in the morning. If this is what she wants, then it’s … I want her to be happy.”

“So do I, Captain.”

“Wash. If we’re going to be ... family, you can call me Mal.”

“All right, then … Mal.”

They nodded at each other. The moment stretched on long enough to be awkward, at which point Wash muttered a hasty “good night” and climbed up the ladder, leaving Mal alone to try to figure out exactly where he’d been while all this was going on.


End file.
